You should see Konstantin. I'll try to describe himâ”≤ Well... He wears jeans... NO, that won't do! Certainly, everybody saw the movie "The Guest from The Future". Do you remember there was one of alien pirates Merry-fellow-U? I think he is played by Vyacheslav Nevinnyj. And so, Konstantin is a young copy of Merry- fellow-U! He walks the same way, drinks kefir just as U did, talks almost in the same manner. In a word, Konstantin is a very very picturesque figure. I would not take him to the exhibition of the fine arts or on the opening night of J.Grigorovich, but for the vacation rest he matches fine, only if it does not go too far...
By the way, one admirer of such reading expressed an idea, that these four parts of a narration about vacation is nothing but an "Arhipka's Santa Barbara...". And then he continued: "Brothers, a village blockbuster is being born before our eyes! Hollywood sobs. Cannes are in depression". Now you see what emotions are generated after a rest of the usual person on a usual Soviet resort. That is why I decided to register the domain - www.arhipo-osipovka.ru, and completely dedicate it to this remarkable resort! Moreover I liked the idea of my admirer about shooting the film. Certainly, it will be difficult to reach the final of the Cannes festival, but we'll get the better of Hollywood producers together with Mason and C-C from Santa Barbara, that's for sure! So, who is ready to undertake the project?
Digressing a little from a topic, we continue our narration. Certainly we didn't take Lara with us on our evening walk. There was no need in that. The man's company gathered, besides us there would be Koljan, Romik, Spartak, Katya... I mean Kap, Masha... oops, Maks of course! Why I began to tell nonsense?! We have left at about 9-10 p.m. in the sea direction. Konstantin, as always, put on so much cologne that all the village dogs jumped aside on about ten meters from him. I do not even mention all the small, innocent mosquitoes that fell down dead trying to fly up to him. Where has he taken it? It seemed that I have hidden all Troynoy beforehand...
In general, the night life of the settlement is in full swing till the dawn. Practically all cafeterias and amusement places work till the last client. As a rule, those clients do not come back home, and spend the night here on a beach. The picture of the settlement at 4-5 a.m. is very interesting: here and there you can see shapeless figures of the late fun lovers, lying on the ground. Probably, Bondarchuk shot his after battles scenes in "War and Peace" here. Everything looks so similar.
In "Pribrezhnoe" cafe where natives usually gather, Romik was already waiting for us and heaven knows where Spartak came from. While I was holding conversations on various subjects with him, Konstantin and Romik became very close, I may say like brothers. It is necessary to note, that in such cafes you can order vodka in plastic cups by portions. It is impossible to deal without it, because natives are quite often not capable to buy the whole bottle. And so, Romik bought a cup of vodka, shared it with Konstantin and they both with pleasure knocked back together. Sometimes they had a snack. And as it got used with local people, Romik sang songs in Konstantin's ear. Romik admired Konstantin, told, how cool Konstantin was, a city guy. Gave advice how is it better to sunbathe, where is it better to have a rest, who is better to take with: Masha or Katya. You should have seen Konstantin! From such speeches he has simply languished as a raven on an oak. To tell the truth, from the second plastic cup of vodka, he paid for everything. Romik just quietly left with an empty cup, came back with full. He returned as quietly as he left. Konstantin just could not allow that after his departure it will be said that people from Krasnodar can't drink vodka in one gulp. That is why without any problems he overturned cups one by one, for some reason they were always full. But the moment has come when Romik could not bring cups as quietly as he did. Next time he went to the bar, he just hooked the nearest table. When he started to fix it, he couldn't keep the balance and fell on the table with all his weight. The idyll with the quiet cup bringing ended. Besides, after that incident Romik, lying on a table, began to shout at the top of his voice: "Koooo-oonstantin! Cooooo-mmme to me! Dear!" Native DJ has turned on the music. The whole cafÐ≤ was looking with interest in Romik's hand direction, i.e. at Konstantin. "Sooo, cooooome to me, Kostja! We shall lie down heeeere!" - continued Romik's sonorous voice. There was a deathly silence in the cafÐ≤; even the cook stopped to rattle with crockery. And what do you think, his friend answered? Konstantin stood up to his full height, took a full cup of vodka from the table, poured it into his throat and shouted: "Rrooo-oomaaa!". Everybody in the cafÐ≤ including me thought that after these words he would rush, sweeping away everything on his way, to help lying and already uncomprehending Romik. But Kostja sat down again and ominously, striking the table with his fist, began to roar: "Pour more, the son of a bitch!"
We were coming back at about three o'clock in the morning. I went first in full darkness, Konstantin, was somewhere behind. In one, especially dark place, he stumbled over a stone and plunged into a fresh cow pie.
- Shittt! Who has made it? - He shouted.
- Cows, - I answered.
- Cooowws? Hm? There are no cows in Krasnodar! - Konstantin finished logically. And distinctly continued, - Michael, I have stained my trouser-leg. Give me "Ariel", I shall wash it now...
- Konstantin, are you in your mind? Where can I find you a washing powder at 3 o'clock in the morning? Maybe I should turn on "Indezit" too?
- Michael, give me "Ariel", lamentably Konstantin continued. - I waaaa-nt to wash my trooooou-ser-leg now.
- Konstantin, shut up. Stop whimpering! We'll come home and I give you "Ariel" and "Tide" and if you want I'll find you Lyudmila Kuzovatova...
- Miiii-chael, please find me "Ariel" now. Fiiiind. - Our hero continued to moan all the way home.
When we finally got home as I promised I gave him a pack of "Ariel" and sent him to the bathroom. I do not know what he had done there and I doubt that he himself understood what he did, but his trousers were washed off.
- All right, - I said. - Let's go to sleep. It is late already. Take bed linen in a wardrobe and lay yourself a bed.
Konstantin took the bed-linen. He spread out a sofa-armchair on a balcony and started to lay the bed. I already began to sink into a full nirvana when felt, that some skunk shakes my shoulder.
- Miii-chael, I cannot put a pillowcase into a pillow â”≤ I mean a pillow into a pillowcase. Help.
- I'm sick and tired of you already, Konstantin! - I shouted in a whisper. - You can't put a pillowcase? Drink less!
- Yeahhh I haven't drunk at all. There are too many holes in the pillow...
- Holes? Give me that! Really... Idiot! - I exclaimed. - Who puts a pillow into a night gown? Moron! I asked you to bring a pillowcase! And what did you bring? A night gown? Oh, my god... If the night gown is here, where is Lara then?
The End